Have you ever woken up one morning, feeling fresh from a pretty good nights sleep and eager to submerge your body, mind and soul either into yoga, or running, or what ever your exercise fix may be? Not soon after your feet touch the floor and you begin your routine of taking the dog out, starting a pot of coffee and just being for a few moments, you notice something is not right, you are not 100%. Sick? Stressed? What is it?
Coffee was wonderful just as the quiet morning I was enjoying; the birds, chickens, dogs and horses trying to be louder than the traffic picking up on the roads. My feet firmly on the mat, body aligned, hands at heart center I softly tell myself my intention for the mornings practice. Yet, something is still not right; my breathing, why does it hurt? No, its not my breathe, what is this? Continue my practice because great prana heals everything, right? Half way into my practice I start to form into one of my favorite poses (I have many favorites), on my knees, body tall, reaching back to hold onto my feet, arching my back into a perfect camels pose, breathing, ommm, so nice! Wait, my god the pain just got worse. Tight? No, that's not it. A pressure I don't remember ever having before. Did someone strap a 300 pound brick to me? Oh the pain.
Finished my practice a bit early because of my confusion. Set myself up to study before my meeting and then class. The pain does not leave, in fact it is getting stronger, more defined. At 1pm I feel tears escaping my eyes, falling down my cheeks, and dripping onto the desk. Reality is setting in, this could be big, epic, can I stop it from happening? Is it happening? No, no, I am putting too much thought into this, it can't be; sure I am 40 but I am healthy, I eat well, practice yoga, and when the weather and air are good I run and always up for a hike (even though it has been some time). Nope, I am healthy so it has to be something else. Has to.
This could be effects of a cold, the flu, stress. But not that. A few conversations, one quiet aggressive, with my love and it occurs to me that I am being selfish and afraid, afraid of money that will be invested, money I do not have at the moment, nor the insurance. Getting a grip on my reality I go to the one place I didn't want to go. Two an half hours later, two IV's attempts later, someone passing out, wires and stickers and numbers and... nothing. I seem to be a healthy 40 year old. So what is it?
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