Last night my sis and I were talking about our woes, it wasn't until my walk to the post office today that it sunk in with my of what I told her. During the conversation I said, "My adult interaction through my work days are short, some 30 seconds some 5 minutes, but it's all about what others need, what they want." I continued saying, "These conversations I have are not about making decisions, they're not real conversation, they are about appeasing others and ensuring their needs are taken care of."
That said, I am listening to a book by Parker J. Palmer, Let Your Life Speak; walking to the post office I had this plugged into my ear. In chapter 3, Palmer begins to explain what burnout is, he describes it as doing something you are not passionate about and "burning out" on the needs, the actions, on the people involved. Too many times I have experience this!
Today I am burned out of taking dictations from others. I am burned out from defending my roles, my opinions, my actions. I am burned out from not having healthy adult interactions in business. I am burned out from not living my potential, not living my passion. You ask why I don't change this, because of shame, because of vulnerability.
Not long ago I was questioning why I am afraid of this and why I hesitate on accomplishing that. Turning these questions inside, I realized it is shame and vulnerability, so I wrote a letter to my shame and to my vulnerability, outing them both and willing them out of my life. Perhaps if I post it, then it will happen :) It is amazing how I have let both shame and vulnerability rule my life for so long.
Enough of my pity party and enough of my burnouts! I am trading my donkey in for a horse, trading my weaknesses for my limits and trading my potentials for my strengths (Limits and Potential, Palmer).
Here's to doing more!
