Do More

 

 

 

Do more than exist, live. 

Do more than touch, feel. 

Do more than look, observe. 

Do more than read, absorb. 

Do more than hear, listen. 

Do more than listen, understand. 

Do more than think, ponder. 

Do more than talk, say something.

         ~John H Rhoades

Where is the Emotion, the Feeling?

Five years ago, in Spring of 2010 I met him, feel in love.  Numerous "fill in the blanks" why, I did.  He did the little things I love and meant so much to me, holding my hands, kissing me, really kissing me.  Pick me up and squeeze me, holding me close to him.  He listened to me, talked to me.

Throughout the years he changed, I changed.  But we did not change and grow together.

Five years later, I couldn't do it anymore.  Numerous "fill in the blanks" why, not another minute.   When I said the words, "I'm breaking up with you."  There was no begging for me to stay, no questions as to why, no determination to work on what went wrong.  In my car, I drive out of the driveway slowly, looking in my rearview mirror only to find he is not chasing my car down the street.  Since then, no phone calls,  they only texts I receive are those saying "this piece of mail came for yo. I miss you."  I do not doubt he misses me, but I feel the same void as before.  An emptiness that was already there, it just grew louder when I left.

I miss him, who he was.  I miss our first years together.  There was too much wrong, disconnect in our relationship to return, but I do miss him.